Constabulary:
Smokin’
Don’t worry about marijuana use complicating your business with the fine sheriffs of Florida.
St. Johns County, Florida — A 20-year-old man has been arrested for misusing 911.
Deputies say Michael Kruse of Jacksonville initially called 911 because he felt sick on June 21st.
The call went into the 911 call center in St. Johns County.
Kruse’s speech was slurred and the dispatcher had difficulty understanding him.
Dispatch: “Are you sure you haven’t taken something sir? Because you’re not making a whole lot of sense.”
Caller: “I’ve been smoking marijuana.”
Dispatch: “You’ve been smoking marijuana?”
Caller: “Yes.”
Dispatch: “Do you want a deputy to come and take you to jail?”
Caller: “Why?”
Dispatch: “You just told me on a taped line you just got done smoking marijuana.”
Caller: “Awww. Are you serious?”
Sgt. Chuck Mulligan, spokesman with the St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office, said deputies located Kruse, took him to a family member, and gave him a stern lecture about 911.
Hours later on June 22nd, Kruse called 911 again. This time he was driving on I-95. He told the dispatcher he wanted a police escort to see the rapper, Lil Wayne, in concert in Miami.
Dispatch: “You want a police escort to take you to Miami?”
Caller: “Or, you have a helicopter?”
Dispatch: “We don’t just send helicopters up for rappers.”
Caller: “Well, I’m driving there right now. I just wanted the fastest way to get there. I didn’t want to get pulled over on the highway.”
We know: the source looks bogus. But the reporting is vintage blotter. We’re serious.