Health Note:
Still Unsightly
13 March 2019

¶ We interrupt &c&c.

It’s official: I’ve lost a lot of weight.

On the internist’s unimpeachable scale, the same instrument that weighed me in at 312 pounds at last summer’s physical (late summer), I was found to be carrying 256 pounds. I was elated the point of discombobulation. The doctor was pretty jolted, too.

I don’t think that either of us would have predicted that a simple ban on drink and crisps, over less than three months, would have such a dramatic effect. The crisps — why not adopt the British usage? It’s not as though “crisps” means anything else in American, while fish and chips is becoming increasingly familiar on tavern menus — were a double whammy, quite fattening in themselves but also, by their saltiness, conducive to serious water retention.

Any benefits of this weight loss will be strictly medical. If I used to look like a water balloon, I now resemble a rifled sack of potatoes, with pipecleaner limbs and a withered apple for a head, with the cadaverous effect of newly visible bones.  

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